


error 404: meme not found

by orphan_account



Series: matchmaker kuroo [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Blogger!AU, KuroKen - Freeform, M/M, but he's shit at matchmaking, he's just meddlesome, iwaoi - Freeform, matchmaker Kuroo, matsuhana - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-09-03 13:22:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8715598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: No matter what Oikawa said, he was not going to stand by and watch Matsukawa Issei and Hanamaki Takahiro ogle at each other and not really in a relationship. Time to bring matchmaker Kuroo back in business.Or at least he thinks so.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG. I HAVE BEEN BUSY AND CURRENTLY FANGIRLING OVER BSD AND SKK AND IT TOOK ME LONGER THAN EXPECTED AND THIS ISN'T EVEN EDITED I'M SORRY ;;

_Error 404: Meme not Found_   
_[ “matchmaking business by kuroo tetsurou” ]_

Kuroo Tetsurou had enough. He was not going to stand by, no matter what Oikawa said. Kuroo had felt like puking everytime he sees them ― Hanamaki Takahiro and Matsukawa Issei together. It’s not like he’s any better with Kenma, _but that’s not the main point!_

_Why the fuck aren’t they together yet?_

10:21 AM  
cats-and-games: kuro.  
cats-and-games: why are you so stubborn?  
meow-or-never: kenmaaaaa.  
meow-or-never: it’s part of my charm :)))  
cats-and-games: …  
cats-and-games: whatever.  
meow-or-never: just say u agree w/ meeeee   
meow-or-never: bsdes, they r so inlve w/ each other it’s disgusting  
cats-and-games: you should never meddle with other people’s lives, kuro.  
meow-or-never: and y e t, i, the great kuroo tetsurou managed to bring bo and akaashi togehter  
cats-and-games: you are going to regret this.  
meow-or-never: n o nsense, kitten.  
cats-and-games: …  
meow-or-never: don’t call me kitten.

Kuroo grabs his phone, hastily pushing Oikawa’s number. Oikawa picked up after the third ring ― which was pretty weird since Oikawa always had his phone in his hands or in his pockets, either way, Kuroo didn’t really care.

“Hello?” Oikawa sounded breathless and Kuroo grinned, ever-so-knowing.

“My dear Tooru, how are you?” He grinned. “Such a wonderful day today, isn’t it, Tooru?”

“Ah,” Oikawa groaned. “T…Tetsu-chan! W-What are you calling for?”

“Can’t I just call one of my closest friends?” Kuroo said, whistling. “It’s such a beautiful day outside, too. Hey Tooru. I heard they opened the Amusement Park. Let’s go on rides!”

“I… can’t.” Oikawa replied and Kuroo could see him gritting his teeth. “I’m busy, Tetsu-chan.”

“Right,” Kuroo grinned. “Of course. You seem like you’re riding something else today. Anyway, sorry for the delay, Tooru.”

“Tetsu-chan!” Oikawa groaned and Kuroo could hear the small whispers passing through the device ― probably Iwaizumi.

“Oh, I called to let you know,” Kuroo said, remembering why he had dropped a sudden call. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for ― Tetsu-chan, you better not be planning what I think you are! Kuroo Tetsurou! Tetsu ― Fuck.” Kuroo grinned as he hung up on Oikawa, a sly smile on his lips as he looked over his shoulder, seeing Hanamaki and Matsukawa smile and gaze each other.

_Goddamn. He really needed to get those two together._

“Oi. What a surprise, Makki, Mattsun.” He called, waving a hand to both of them. Grabbing a chair, he sat beside Mattsun who high-fived him as he arrived. “Oh. By the way, Oikawa and Iwaizumi are having sex right now. If you want to annoy him, you might want to do it now.”

Makki and Mattsun turned to look at each other, a mischievous glint in their eyes. Without even uttering a word, Mattsun grabbed his phone, dialing Oikawa’s number as Makki texted Oikawa to call him: _Oikawa, it’s urgent!_

“Goddamn, you two seriously suit each other.” Kuroo mumbled, a slip of the tongue if he may add.

Makki grinned, slinging an arm over Mattsun. “We are, aren’t we?” He said as he winked at Mattsun who was now asking Oikawa stupid and useless questions over the phone.

Kuroo grimaced. And I’m seriously going to get you two together.

•••  
2:54 AM  
meow-or-never: hey hey hey hey heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey  
miracleboy: kuroo, my m a n  
miracleboy: how have u been? Still kenma whipped? (ˇ▼ˇ)  
meow-or-never: b r O  
meow-or-never: when am i nvr?  
miracleboy: ƪ(˘▽˘ƪ)  
mircaleboy: so  
miracleboy: wat had u calling  
miracleboy: the mircale booooy satooooooori （*￣∇￣*）  
meow-or-never: i need a fvor  
meow-or-never: tryin to get dis guys together  
miracleboy: that’s so gay man  
meow-or-never: you are gay, ten-chan~  
miracleboy: ah fck u don’t call me like oikawa  
miracleboy: it’s fcking creppy  
miracleboy: you are so meddlesome kuroo

3:01 AM  
miracleboy: i’m in (˘⌣˘)ε˘`)  
•••

3:21 AM  
meow-or-never: makki u still awake?  
lordofthememes: a meme nvr sleeps kuroo, didn’t i tell u dat?  
meow-or-never: oh forgive me ur highness  
meow-or-never: i was assuming u were beauty sleeping  
meow-or-never: u need one of those man  
lordofthememes: excuse u  
lordofthememes: first of all, i am not oikawa  
lordofthememes: second of all, have you seen my hair?  
lordofthememes: and my eyes?  
lordofthememes: and my damn thgighs boooi?  
lordofthememes: and last but not the least, my goddamn memes?  
meow-or-never: forgive me ur highness  
meow-or-never: i hve not seen ur thighs u damn boi  
meow-or-never: wouldn’t hesitate to tho? ;)  
lordofthememes: i am going to send this to kenma  
lordofthememes: get ready for the wrath  
lordofthememes: of the little kitten  
meow-or-never: don’t ur hgihness  
meow-or-never: i am not rdy nor do i want to feel his wrath  
meow-or-never: bc i am sure i won’t see the light  
lordofthememes: u unfaithful dogg  
meow-or-never: bitch please  
meow-or-never: kenma owns all of me  
meow-or-never: from my genius brain  
meow-or-never: to my awsum thighs, have u seen thsi boi?  
meow-or-never: to my alluring personality  
meow-or-never: and my massive… ;)  
lordofthememes: u fcking asshole  
lordothememes: kenma didn’tsay anything about u having a massive dck  
meow-or-never: :O such vulgar language  
meow-or-never: tsk tsk tsk  
meow-or-never: i was talking about my massive personality ;)  
meow-or-never: but i won’t deny that either  
•••  
3:57 AM  
catsandgames: …  
catsandgames: kuro  
catsangdames: stop spouting nonsense  
catsandgames: [attached image]  
meow-or-never: ah hanamaki dat traitoooooooor  
catsandgames: do i evn want 2 ask  
meow-or-never: truthfully no, theoritically maybe, honestly, dpn’t  
catsandgames: go to sleep, kuro  
catsandgames: … stop meddling  
catsandgames: also  
meow-or-never: ???

4:01  
catsandgames: goodnight  
•••  
Even if half the world wanted him to stop his charade ― Oikawa groaning and telling him to stop every single time, Iwaizumi shrugging telling him that it’s no use and Kenma calling him to stop being so meddlesome. Why was the world so against him right now?

“’Yo, Kuroo!”

“Satori!” Kuroo greets back with a smile as he and Tendou greet each other with their normal greetings ― that included a three-minute handshake, a fistbump and silly grins on their faces. “How have you been, my man? You haven’t visited since college.”

Tendou waves his hand excitedly as they both sat down in the cafe. Truthfully, both of them were attracting too many eyes - from Tendou’s eye catching hair and Kuroo’s unique shape and sorry excuse of a hair plus their loud voices ― it would be a lot more surprising if they weren’t able to attract any attention, at all.

“The usual. Hey, listen to this, Ushiwaka-chan doesn’t even flinch when he watches scary movies!” Tendou states as Kuroo orders coffee latte for both of them. “We did a 24-hour movie marathon of scary movies and he didn’t even flinch a bit!”

“I sometimes wonder if that boyfriend of yours if even human, Satori.”

“My dear boy, that makes two of us.” Satori answers, a smile on his face. “But he does moan―”

“I’d love to hear more Satori but I don’t think your boyfriend would appreciate you spouting your sex life.”

“Aww, don’t be a spoilsport, Tetsu-chan~” Satori replies, a small pout on is face. “Besides, what do you need me for?”

“I know these two dudes―”

“Who are both gay for each other?”

“Definitely.” Kuroo nods. “But they won’t admit it themselves.”

“And you meddle once more.” Satori says, a small smirk on his face. “Ah, good times.”

“At least I managed to get half of the people in our circle of friends together, thank you very much.” Kuroo snorts. “Besides, I get all naeuseous whenever I see them together.”

“You’re like that with Kenma, you little shit.”

“I know,” Kuroo sighs. “But I’ve long gave up on my sweet fate.”

“So, what do you want me to do?”

“Well…” Kuroo grins - a grin that says innocent all over no matter what Kenma or Oikawa says. “I hope you’re free this Friday.”

•••  
meow-or-never: heeeeeeeey makki :D :D  
lordofthememes: that’s your highness to you.  
meow-or-never: oh, I’m sorry your highness  
lordofthememes: apology accepted, peasant.  
meow-or-never: excuse you  
meow-or-never: but I am not a peasant  
meow-or-never: have you seen a peasant this good looking?  
lordofthememes: you’re shit, tetsurou  
meow-or-never: ;) thank you, I try.  
lordofthememes: so what’s up?  
lordofthememes: the sky  
meow-or-never: the sky  
meow-or-never: but anyways,  
meow-or-never: I have this friend from college who’s coming over  
meow-or-never: and i have stuff to do at that day  
meow-or-never: so maybe u could…  
meow-or-never: I dunno proxy me maybe? ;)  
lordofthememes: is he hot?  
lordofthememes: like makki definition hot  
meow-or-never: [attached picture]  
meow-or-never: does he pass?  
lordofthememes: his face is a fuckign meme  
lordofthememes: I’m in

•••  
Kuroo grins. Time for the second part of his plan. He props to his couch and scrolls over his contacts - stopping when he sees Matsukawa’s name plastered: meme lord number 2 before he presses the call button, silently laughing at Mattsun’s given name.

“Hello? I’d like to order two large fries and one coke please.”

“Hello to you too, Mattsun. That would be three hundred thousand yen, please.”

There’s a faint gasp on the other line. “That expensive? What kind of country is this?!”

“One you lived for the past twenty years, you asshole.” Kuroo rolls his eyes. “But anyway, Makki’s got a date, want to stalk him with me?”

“Makki? A date? With who?” Mattsun rambles frantically and Kuroo could feel a truimphant grin on etching on his face as he places his foot on the table, eyes dancing in mischief.

“That’s why we’re stalking them, Mattsun.” Kuroo grins. “See you at thirty.”  
•••

“You take stalking seriously, huh.” Kuroo comments as soon as they arrive in the designated spot. Mattsun was standing out too much - of course who wouldn’t when you’re practically sex on long legs covered in denim pants, large coat and shades as a disguise? “You’re pretty early―”

“They’re here already.” Mattsun cuts Kuroo off. “I heard them over talking about going to some cafe.”

“Cafe?” Kuroo snorts. “Real smooth.”

Mattsun snorts, disgust evident in his features making Kuroo smile in response. Looks like everything is going according to plan. Kuroo grabs his phone, taking a picture of bothered Mattsun ― one he would never thought he’ll see in this lifetime.

meow-or-never: [attached picture]  
meow-or-never: bothered mattsun, take a screenshot boys  
iloveowwls: wow  
iloveowwls: bRO HIS EYBEROWS  
meow-or-never: i know bro  
datfuckingalien: u both have a boyfriend  
datfuckingalien: tetsu-chan  
datfuckingalien: u didn’t  
meow-or-never: ;)  
iwaizoomi: fuck the world’s gonna end  
meow-or-never: don’t be so overdramatic  
datfuckingalien: it’s called taking precautions, tetsu-chan  
datfuckingalien: jesus  
meow-or-never: never knew you were the religious type, tooru  
datfuckingalien: i’m praying for the how DARE YOU  
cats-and-games: …  
cats-and-games: kuro  
cats-and-games: it’s too early  
meow-or-never: cupid never sleeps, babe ;)  
iwaizoomi: get the fuck out  
datfucking alien: get out  
cats-and-games: …  
iloveowwls: bRO, that was 2 much  
meow-or-never: i hate u all

“Oi, Tetsurou.” Mattsun calls. “Let’s go.”

The smirk on Kuroo’s face doesn’t fade, not even when they enter the said café, tables apart from where Makki and Satori was, animatedly talking and laughing making Mattsun furrow his eyebrows.

“What is up with that hair?”

“Hey,” Kuroo shrugs. “You certainly can’t judge, Mattsun.”

Satori leans close to Makki, whispering words making Makki blush in response. Kuroo wiggles his brows ― goddamn, Satori. You have a boyfriend ― before he glances at Mattsun, whose brows creased even more.

“Mattsun, you don’t bear the world in your shoulders.” Kuroo teases. “Lighten up a bit.”

Mattsun doesn’t respond. Instead, he’s focusing all his attention towards Makki, who even in the crowd stood out. He was wearing a blue sleeveless hugging his figure, printed with words: want a meme paired with dark denim pants that reveals every inch of Makki’s thighs – all from playing volleyball and damn boy, did he clean up well.

Satori inches a bit forward, mouth hovering in Makki’s ear as the other one giggled in response, blush immediately forming his cheeks. Satori smiles at him triumphantly and there was a flash. Before Kuroo could even blink, Mattsun had already removed his hat and shades, striding to where Makki and Satori was.

Okay. He cracked faster than I thought he would.

Smirking, he followed Mattsun towards their table. Mattsun held Makki’s arm making both men look at him in surprise but is that a hidden glint in Makki’s eyes? Mattsun clenches his jaw as he glares at Satori who whistles innocently. Kuroo grins, high-fiving Satori before focusing his attention on Mattsun and Makki.

“Let’s go.”

Makki grins. “I was wondering when you’d snap.”

Both heads – Kuroo and Satori – looked at Makki with confusion etched on their faces. Mattsun was still clenching and unclenching his jaw as Makki’s hand drew circles in Mattsun’s arm ― probably to calm him down.

“You little devil.”

Makki winks. “Oh, you know me.”

“Okay, what the fuck.” Kuroo groans, eyes large in surprise as he stared at Mattsun and Makki. “Hold up. Hold up. Rewind. What the fuck just happened?”

Makki only rolls his eyes. “Nice try Tetsu but Mattsun and I are already dating.”

Kuroo nods, taking in Makki’s words. “You’re already―what?! What the fuck? You’re already dating? Since when?”

“Since 2nd year of high school.” Makki supplied, eyes gleaming in wickedness. “I knew you were trying to set us up and I played along plus, it was hot seeing Mattsun jealous.”

“And now you have to appease me.” Mattsun says before dragging Makki out of the café.

Kuroo stares at their retreating back. “What the fuck… just happened?”

Satori whistles, grinning. “You just got played, Tetsu~ Cupid just got played.”

•••  
meow-or-never: u traitors  
meow-or-never: how come u never told  
meow-or-never: me anything????  
lordofthememes: it was kind of obvious  
lordofthememes: so we don’t have to point it out  
eyeBROs: and we thought everybody would figure it out  
lordofthememes: almost everybody  
meow-or-never: i am nvr  
meow-or-never: believing u 2 again  
lordofthememes: ;)  
eyeBROs: ;)  
meow-or-never: u definitely suit each other  
  
•••

_1 message received_

_[3:21 AM]_   
_flyingcrows: someone told me u match people!!!_   
_flyingcrows: like ur cupid irl!!!_   
_flyingcrows: could u help me????!_   
_flyingcrows: txt me!!!_   
_flyingcrows: here’s my email! hntshyo@email.vo_

**Author's Note:**

> WELL HELLO I AM NOT DEAD AND HERE YOU GO AND I'M SO SORRY FOR THIS BEING SO SHITTY ;;


End file.
